No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
