you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
