This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
