mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
