Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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