Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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