i think my tv is drunk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
