the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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