last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
