Where did you get a picture of my penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
