So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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