I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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