woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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