i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
