the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
this is an emotional support booty call
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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