I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't turn off my feet"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
