that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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