That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
