Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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