walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm bleeding and have questions
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