he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
