I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's blow job season.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
