I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
