The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
