I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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