I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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