honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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