Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
