remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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