Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
