What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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