I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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