i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
