So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
