I puked a lego.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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