Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
