I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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