i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
