So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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