M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
