i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
