i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
