So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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