It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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