$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
