We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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