Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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