Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
