I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
