Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.