quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?