I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast