fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed