Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
