lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
