Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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