It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
