The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
