i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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