Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
