Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
