There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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