no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
