i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The Olympian is in my bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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