Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
